I can't think of a title right now

Hahahaha.

Remember me and the fact that I have a blog. Goodness gracious.

Lol

So. I have been total fail at trying to update this. I admit it. I won't make any excuses about it. I won't make any promises about blogging anymore either though, cause we all have seen how well I keep those >.<

UPDATE!!!

lol.

Well. I moved.downtown. Love it so much. I have my own apartment. No roomies. It's a small studio but I am beyond in love with it. I love the location. I love the fact that it's mine. I love that I finally have a place I feel like is home <3

I have a new job that I don't hate, but I don't love either. I am telemarketing for siding and windows. I don't suck at it, but I feel like I am not the best at it either. The hours kind of stink too. I work from 1-9 Mon- Thurs. I also work part-time at Younkers :) I work in the children's department and I LOVE it so much. I love having something to do on my days off, especially one that brings in some extra dough :)

I bought a keyboard and I am attempting to teach myself how to play it. I feel like I am doing really badly lol. But it is so much fun :)

I THINK I finally found a new church. One that I feel accepted in. One that I WANT to go to. I am really looking forward to going to this church regularly. It's 2 blocks from my apt and new. It's only 2 1/2 years old and I feel encouraged by this. I love the potential of being able to grow with a church, since I feel like I still so young in my faith!

I am working out mostly regularly. You can read more about that on this blog: http://nerdyfitnessninja.blogspot.com/

Or here: http://nerdfitness.com/community/blog.php?1918-Nerdy-Fitness-Ninja-s-Nerd-Fitness-Blog

That's about it for now.

:)

Remember when...

I had a blog that I updated regularly? Yea me neither.

Lol.

Going to attempt to post more.

I hope.

Life has been SO crazy.

Update more later.

I promise.

Grief

I know that it has been a long time since I have actually posted. But I need to let something out.


Something happened ot me on Monday and I feel like my whole world tilted wrong. Like all of the sudden if I made one wrong move I was going to topple off. I can't tell you what it is to protect the privacy of the people involved.. but lets just say that I am sad. I feel alone. I feel guilty. I know there was nothing I could have done... I am sorry for being so cryptic but it's the way it has to be.

It made me think about emotions really. How so often I lie to myself about how I feel and stuff. And how am I supposed to write in this blog about how I feel if I don't even let people know the truth about how I feel? How am I supposed to expect peopel to help me if they don't know what I am feeling?

Whoops.

Ah.

Hello Readers. Have you forgotten about me? Have you been wondering if I had forgotten about you? Well I haven't. I have just been very busy. And stressed. But mostly happy. I would like to say.

I got promoted at work. I am now a business coordinator. I don't telemarket anymore. I send out contracts and do the data entry side of things now. It's a temporary position and I pray to God that I get to keep it. I love it so much. I mean... if I had to do the phone calls again I would deal with it. But I really like what I am doing now. I enjoy it so much. It is more work but less stress if that makes any sense. So pray that I get to keep doing this.


I have been having some car trouble which leads to some financial struggling. Ok so a lot. Not to mention, I put my rent money on the table and now its GONE. And the lady I am staying with super needs that moeny but I don't have the money to just re give it to her...:"(

I am still going to my church. I still love them.

Well.. I don't have too much really to say. It's been a lot of the same ol' same ol' lately :P

I don't want this weekend to eeeeeeeeeeeeeeend!

The title for those that don't know is from Rebecca Black's Friday song. Which is probably one of the worst written songs ever. Second maybe only to ANYTHING written by the Black Eyed Peas. But. Unfortunately it is one of the most catchy- gets stuck in your head tunes I have ever heard in my life. Ugh. There are some Fridays I literally wake up to this song in my head lol.

Anyways. It is indeed not Friday but Saturday and I hope everyone had an amazing 4th of July weekend. I ended up having quite a bit of fun. This last week was insanity at work. Yay for volunteering for overtime. But when I came in on Tuesday I got awarded a top performer award for the month of June! Yay me! I am proud of myself. And excited. I also got card for reaching 100% client goal for the month! AND I won a chance to work overtime. I am glad. I need the hours. I love working overtime cause I get paid more. However I hate overtime cause I feel like I never have energy or time to do anything and I miss my church peeps. I miss my Ash-a-ley and my godchild. I missed her 1st birthday and her present is still in my possesion and its been almost a month now. Ugh.

Tomorrow I am headed to Adventureland with Geek who is trying to get out of the doghouse and earn my trust again... Last year he stood me up for Adventureland so this I guess is a way he can make it up to me. He took me out to dinner Friday night and that was really nice. I wore a little black dress and we made a super cute date night out of it. As much as I used to give him a hard time about not going out much though... I still think I like evenings like what we are currently enjoying better. He is watching Futurama on his computer and I am typing this up and listening to a trance mix off of YouTube. We are "hanging out" but not really doing anything. Sometimes though... just knowing that someone is around is nice. We are not dating but he is still my best friend. And the person I enjoying hanging out with the most.

People have been asking me lately if he is the person that I see myself marrying... and sometimes I feel the answer is yes. I could see myself marrying him in a red and white wedding dress in October with a bouquet of roses and crystals. But at the same time... I can imagine a life without him. I could see so many ways how this won't work. Part of me really really wants it to though. Despite the parts of me that tell me I should just let it go... I can't. He is the first person I have ever loved and given my heart to. I feel like I belong with him...And then I remember how much he has hurt me. How am I supposed to believe his promises? So many times he has given me empty promises. How can I know that he means it when he says "I promise"? You know?

Anyways. I am PUMPED about tomorrow anyways.

<3
Andrea




Apparently Rebecca Black's label or whatever removed her official video so here is Glee's remake of it. Which is actually decent lol.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doCOTTDKIWQ&feature=related

Early this time!

I happen to KNOW that I will not be able to post on Sunday cause it is going to be such a crazy weekend... but instead of posting late like I would normally.... I decided to post early. 

I wish I had good news to tell you but I don't.

Geek and I are no longer dating. Something came up and I just think for right now being friends is the best thing. We are still going to talk and stuff. But I just think we need to figure out what is important and focus on ourselves maybe.

Work is going good though. We are training for something new next week so that will be interesting.

I still have no money and I still have no place to live come the 9th. I have no idea what to do with that.

Umm. WHO IS EXCITED FOR FIREWORKS?! MEEEEEEEEE! I love fireworks. I am going to see some tonight. And some Sunday night.. probably. And I MIGHT be shooting some with my Bible Study Monday. Then it's back to work. Lol.

OMG. I can not believe it is soooo close to my birthday. And that I am turning 23. No thanks.

SO! You all have a fun and safe 4th!!! Happy Fourth of July ya'll!

lost cause.

I was going to post a lazy blog today. But then I realized that I need to get everything out. Geek told me that I needed to write down everything that was stressing me out. And I know that I do.


Readers, Last Saturday I started struggling with life halting stress headaches/migraines. I thought they would just go away but by Wednesday they hadn't so I went to to the doctor cause my hair started to fall out. He wants me to go on a medication. He also strongly suggested that I go see a counselor/therapist once a week. And he wants me to relax. He said that the stress would eventually kill me if I don't find a way to do something about it. And I didn

What am I going through that is causing me so much stress? Unfortunately a lot of my stress is revolved around money and how I never seem to have any. Which is all my fault.

1)I have to find a new place to live by July 9th. I can't afford a new place to live at all. I am supposed to pay 200 dollars deposit on a new place but I really don't see how living by myself is a good idea right now. Plus I can't afford the 200 dollar deposit plus 395 for first months rent by July 9th.

2)My phone is turned on for now. But unless I pay another 86 dollars by this Saturday... and another 86 dollars by next Saturday. And the Saturday after that. It's going to get turned off again.

3)My car is not registered to me, the title is signed over to me... but I never got a new one. And the plates that are on it expire... this month. As in June. And I might have been driving without insurance for a few months.

4)I missed an entire week of work cause of my sickness/lack of hours.

5)I feel like so many people have such high expectations of me and I feel like I am failing in everyone's eyes. I feel like nothing I do is good enough for anyone. I feel like I am under all the pressure to always be the happy, bubbly good positive person, and I can't handle it anymore. I fall apart sometimes too. I break sometimes too. I am trying to do everything everyone expects me to do.

6)I feel like I am supposed to do it all by myself. I am 22 years old and I am supposed to have my life all figured out. I am not supposed to need support from anyone. I am just supposed to know what to do one my own.

7)I feel like I am not good enough for anyone. I am not a good enough employee. I am not a good enough Christian. I am not a good enough friend. I am not a good enough Godmother. I am not a good enough girlfriend. I feel like I am just not good enough. That I am just not important enough to MEAN something to anyone.

I think thats about it. I could seriously use some prayers and advice and donations(just kididng on that one. sorta) right about now.

I am starting to feel like a lost cause.