Well. It's Sunday. Which means I am at the Cup of Kryptonite again. Sipping at some coffee and using up all their wifi lol. I had a great weekend. Went to celebrAsian (Asian Heritage Festival) and ate lots. Watched some sweet dancers and martial arts demos. It was a good time. I of course went to hang out and church this weekend as well. I really don't know what I would do without the amazing support of my church. They really are amazing.
One of the songs that the DTC Praise band played was "Burn For You" by Steele Crosswhite. This song has a lot of meaning for me. The lyrics are powerful..But it kind of reminds oif a time before everything fell apart. When I first prayed this to my Savior. And I don't really know... maybe I wasn't ready for the commitment that He was asking from me? So... they played that last night... and as I was singing... I was asking myself... is this what I want? I know it's what He wants from me. I know it's what He is waiting for me to ask... and mean it. I am so stubborn sometimes though... Part of me doesn't want to give Him my dreams... my heart. I want to hold onto it... But then I see the line "The offered lives of the weakest ones are known to change the world" I definitely feel like one of those weakest ones. I feel so weak. I feel like I don't have to strength to do what my Creator has asked of me to do. I am still so absorbed in my ways. I am struggling so much with giving my life up. I WANT TO! I really do. It's just so difficult.
Something hard for me... well. Today... Geek and I are supposed to sit down and talk. Hopefully at the end of it, we can still be friends. If not, I am going to have to have the strength to walk away. To leave. To give my heart to the one person right now that I KNOW won't break it.. My Father. But I am so afraid I won't be able to... I thought Geek was it. The man that God put into my life for me. And now, most of me, knows that he isn't. But there is still those lingering feelings.
BUT! I also know the kind of man I want to marry someday. I want to marry a man like the brothers I have in my amazing Bible Study. I want a man I don't have to force to go to church with me. Someone that goes to God to get the key to my heart. And as amazing as Geek is... he isn't that...
I need to love myself enough not to settle for less that what I know that my God wants for me. I need to love my God enough to trust Him. I need to love my sisters enough to lean on them, as they so often ask me to. I need to love the world enough... to die to myself so I can focus on showing them the love of Christ instead of a guy that is not the best for me.
(Here are the lyrics of that song I was talking about)
Burn For You:
Break my heart, take my dreams, they’re only in the way
Of what’s better than I ask or imagine
You’re my home, You’re my place, each and every word You say
Set me on fire, fire for You, fire for You
Set my heart on fire so that I can burn for You
Set my heart on fire, let them see me burn for You
A face like stone, a heart like wax and a passion for the dead
Unfailing love is what You’ve asked, You’ve imagined
The offered lives of the weakest ones are known to change the world
You set them on fire, fire for You, fire for You
-Steele Croswhite
Love in Christ.
Andrea
About Me
- bananandrea
- Des Moines, Iowa, United States
- I am a young kind of crazy girl with crazy thoughts that run through my brain. I work out. A lot. I eat Paleo. As much as possible. I don't make any sense most the time :P I try to inspire people.
1 comments:
I remember you saying in a different post, or maybe it was that list of things you want to accomplish in your life, that you want to inspire someone... Although I know the physical you, reading your posts brings me deeper into the poetry that is your mind. I know you have gone through great struggles in your life, you seem almost immune to the obstacles life throws at you. Not because you are some supernatural force, but because of the attitude you take when you wake up everday, because you believe in christ and in god, because you have the drive to not settle for less and strive for more... I struggle with those things, yet you have gone through so much more life obstacles than me and remain to keep your chin up and trek on, everyday. You are inspiring to me. You inspire me with your love for god, your love for others, and your love for yourself and your body. In the last few posts reading your words and imagining your face and your voice and your passion behind them, humbles me with your honesty. I want to take the next step in my life towards god, others, and myself... and your words are helping me gather the courage to be a better person. god bless.
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